Secret Atheism

I’ve been searching all day for something on which I could meditate. I read about 10 chapters of the Bible. Nothing. Today, I read it more like the headlines, than a lifeline. I read it like a 6 year old eats broccoli – dutifully.

Sadly, my devotions were done with a whole lot less enthusiasm than they should have been done. The Lord certainly didn’t get my best effort today, and yet if the Warriors had given such a lackluster effort on the practice field as I did or if the church had drawn from the well of weariness and boredom in Sunday’s worship service, like I did today, as a coach or pastor…as a leader, I’d certainly find room to decry my own shortcomings and failures.

Worse yet, I’d undoubtedly consider what good I was doing anybody, but I’m thankful that my Savior is given to such thoughts as a result of my weakness.

Anyway, I picked up The God You Can Know by Dan DeHaan that the good folks at New Hope Baptist Church in Goode, VA recently sent me. I’m about half way through it and have enjoyed it until today, and that has less to do with DeHaan’s writing than with my melancholy. So, I read, trudging through a chapter and a half, but I can’t recall any moving or provoking thought that I read.

stephen-charnockI put it down and came home for a late lunch. I took a 10 minute power nap in sun on the trampoline while managing to only wake myself up snoring every three minutes. I walked to the school to pick up the grade schoolers, wrote a little in my moleskin and was just about to give up when I pulled down the encyclopedic Stephen Charnock from the bookshelf.

After about two pages I had to stop. Here’s where he hit me.

All sin is founded in a secret atheism.

That’s what did it. It may not impress you, but I don’t know when I’ll be able to pick it back up again. I purposely don’t read Charnock much because this always happens.

He didn’t have to go there, did he? All sin? Mine too?

His writing almost forces you to meditate, and that’s what I asked for, right?

I’m off to twiddle my thumbs with my feet on the corner my desk – my preferred meditating posture.

If anybody reads this and wants to comment, I’ll get to it later. Right after I finish dealing with my own secret atheism.

  • Mom

    I am not familiar with this author but you have piqued my interest. I’ m going to search for a book by him. Any suggestions on which one to start with?

    • Michael

      Mom, Existence and Attributes of God by Charnock. I’ve been reading it on and off for 10 years. It takes that long when you only read two pages and have to stop and chew the cud.

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